So I have found that the more vulnerable I make self and the rawer I am the more honestly I write and the stronger the response. Which when broken down only makes sense. I figured then what better time then the present to explain, in great detail, what it is that turns me on sexually. Why not? At this stage of the game what the hell do I have to lose?
It’s a process, mind you. It’s not just a pretty face that gets me….of course that certainly helps…but you’re gonna have to have a little bit more substance then that. First and foremost it has to start with a particular energy that is kicked. Deep, intense, dark (yes I said dark) electric, knock – me – off – my – feet – and – force – me – up – against – the – wall- and- pin – me – there energy. You have to be stronger then me. And I don’t just mean physically, though this is also a requirement. You have to emotionally dominate me. And not just the first time we meet….cause this isn’t a sprint, Darling, this is a fucking marathon. You need to maintain some sense of emotional strength that can absorb, withstand and even crave my brooding intensity, my vast imagination, my in – your – face challenging ways my $100 pair of Big Star hip riding pelvic bone showing jeans.
You need to be able to lock eyes with me and swim in the sea of possibilities for hours with me. You need to inspire me! Make me want to paint you over and over and over again. Deconstruct you and me on canvas. I want you to sit or stand across the room from me and just watch me work until the energy is just too much, until your palms are sweating, your heart is pounding and your head is spinning. At which point I want you to grab a hold of me and control the entire experience. When you kiss me it would help if you bit my lower lip hard enough to hurt, while holding my face with your right hand and squeezing my hip with your left hand. I want you to do this for awhile and be able to keep me from pushing YOU up against the wall. When you decide it’s been long enough I want you play with my nipples over my shirt – squeezing them, biting them. Then I want you to lift me up and put me against the wall with my legs wrapped around your waste. I want you to pin me there while you work me over from head to toe.
When you take me to your bed I want you roll around with me for hours letting the tables turn between us. I want you to stop at times and look at my face, my body. I want you to cry because what you are getting from me is unlike anything you have ever gotten from anyone else and it’s really the only way to express that connection. I want you to undress me first with your eyes and then slowly with your hands – kissing my neck, my chest, my hips….biting my belly. Then I want to watch you as you undress yourself. When our skin touches it will feel as though we have been scorched by fire. When you lay on top of me holding my hands pinned above my head, I want you look in my eyes and see a part of yourself you have never met. I want to introduce the two of you and then watch as you travel deeper into yourself and explore more fully who and what you are. I want you to open yourself up completely and vulnerably to experience who and what I am.
I don’t want you to have an orgasm. I don’t want to have an orgasm. Well, at least the first night. I want to go right to the edge with you, look over it, imagine it and then slowly walk away holding hands. I want you to NOT shut down the next day because what you saw terrified you. I want you to bravely step into that fear because you know that I am worth it, because you know I am a once in a lifetime opportunity, because you understand that anything worthwhile in this life comes with great risk, because you accept that the possibility of being hurt is worth it’s weight in gold if it means the possibility of finding something you have been looking for your entire life. I want you addicted to me. I want you wanting me. I want you….
in love with me.